some days

some days you just feel like saying "fuck it" that has been my thought for the past few. don't know what it is...but i just have been feeling mentally crushed and physically exhausted. both of those have taken their toll on me.

physically i feel like i am rundown and run over. i have hit good training when i have gone into the gym but after i have just been empty. eating has not been a problem, sleeping either. i have been getting plenty of both.  i also have really cleaned up my eating. sticking to food i have to cook and staying away from fast food.

mentally i'm not in it anymore...motivation and concentration are out the door. i would prefer to sit here and do nothing than even try something. i have been anxious about work and tired of the mean rude individuals that call. don't get me started on the downright dumbasses... i can sense that part of the issue here is the lack of competitions in my area. nothing scheduled till september which leaves me with a lot of idle time to question my reasons for doing this. also i have no one left to challenge me in the gym or in training. i have set goals but have not been able to focus on them.





solutions, besides a heavy dose of slayer. well physically i have rested which has helped the aches and pains go away. i have tested out a supplement which is supposed to help repair the damage done and get me going again. also i have begun stretching every morning...yoga... one other thing i did was to fast for a few days to get the nastiness out of my system. can say i have felt better after doing that.  mentally i have had the most challenges...after i do my yoga i meditate. very tough to do...i also have been reading some decent books which have helped me focus on more than me.



and let me add that you can sometimes find motivation in the strangest of places. was watching ken burn's baseball, part where they talk about the return of the yankees to greatness. no i  have not become a follower of the evil empire but was in awe of the story of their manager, joe torre. he played for years never getting the chance to win or make it to the big game. he had shining moments but never the champion. as a manager he was fired from several teams, but steinbrenner took a chance on him, a chance that paid off with 6 championships....

Motivation

Motivation is the internal condition that activates behavior and gives it direction; energizes and directs goal-oriented behavior.

I am trying to rediscover what motivates me. Is it an external need? Or is it an internal drive?
I do not buy into all the baloney quotes or motivational posters. After awhile they become watered down and transparent. Think about how many posters or signs you might have around you at work....they catch your eye at first but eventually blend into the scenery. There has to be something deep inside that drives us to do what we do.
I will admit I do like to watch a good movie like Rocky just to get my adrenaline flowing. Maybe its the underdog story or willingness to stand toe to toe with the champ and not quit. But that is me deep down inside. Never quitting...
The problem is keeping it all in focus. When the world crashes around you how do you react? What is the goal? The carrot on the stick? Is there a prize or reward at the end of the journey?

Rocky: 'Cause all I wanna do is go the distance. Nobody's ever gone the distance with Creed, and if I can go that distance, you see, and that bell rings and I'm still standin', I'm gonna know for the first time in my life, see, that I weren't just another bum from the neighborhood.

Keeping Busy

I didn't do much today. I certainly stayed out of the gym. Slept in and decided to clean my place, would be nice since I am having guests. My dog enjoyed being out in the yard, he didn't have to hear the vacuum. Got some stuff rearranged and did some laundry...I know this is exciting.

I did manage to squeeze myself into my deadlift suit all on my own. Those damn things are uncomfortable...was more like a workout just putting it on. I do know it will help Saturday, besides its allowed so why get the extra pop from it.

Really today was about distracting myself from the competition Saturday. I can feel the tension rising the closer I get. I can certainly feel something mean and angry rising in me. I don't want to let it out too early, but I definitely do not want to let it consume me. So now I am occupying my time watching anime on HULU...a new one called Glass Fleet.